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| Selecting an RI Wedding Officiant
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Captivation Photo Studio |
Written by
Hon. Rev. Dennis James Robinson
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A number of families visualize a wedding ceremony taking place in a church
or synagogue, with no exceptions. This is certainly stereotypic of most
marriages many years ago and a large number of weddings now, but the times
are changing and so are the types of ceremonies couples are choosing. |
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| The antithesis, or sharp contrast, to the traditional view is watching a
Justice of the Peace, the bride, the groom, and the entire wedding party
jump from an airplane at 4,000 feet, free fall another 2,000 feet, and then
exchange vows before opening parachutes and floating to the ground as
husband and wife. These are images that most officiants (myself included)
are attempting to alleviate from public perception.
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A Justice of the Peace, or clergy, can be an important part of a
wedding ceremony if you select the right one for you. Many individuals may
not get married in traditional settings for one reason or another. A good
officiant can make your day very special because of the flexibility he or
she has in arranging the ceremony.
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My favorite wedding ceremony is probably the Jewish-Christian
ceremony. When articulately prepared, it can encompass some of the most
wonderful traditions of each culture and religion. The typical ceremony is
about one-half hour long and can incorporate such modalities as an
ecumenical prayer, the exchange of vows, and the drinking of the wine
ceremony with a prayer in Hebrew and in English, the stepping on the
glass, and the lighting of the unity candle (where one candle represents
the individuality of the bride and the other, the individuality of the
groom). The candles also represent the merging of two into one, but
remaining individual. It is my usual custom to mention that although you
have mutual as well as individual interests, these two outer candles
represent your individuality, but now unite your lives, your hearts, and
your families into one by lighting the center candle.
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Probably the newest ceremony tradition is the presentation of roses to
the families of the bride and groom. Roses represent the nurturing from
our parents, so the bride and groom use them to thank their parents for
all the love and guidance they have given them over the years. This
delivery can be modified by adding grandparents for all the love and
guidance they have given them over the years, the person who introduced
the couple, or even all women as they enter the chapel or ceremony site.
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Wedding vows are such an important part of a ceremony, and you should
be offered at least 20 vows from which to choose. Some priests, ministers
and rabbis are extremely traditional, however, and an uninformed bride and
groom may not know that they can change the vows. For instance, how about
"I take you to be my wife and my best friend," or replacing "till death do
us part" with "Always and forever."
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| Many traditional officiants and uneducated justices will not attend
rehearsals. This can be the biggest travesty of the wedding, as it leads to
an atmosphere of chaos in the minutes before the actual wedding.
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The person who performs the ceremony should run the rehearsal from
start to finish. Having one person leading the rehearsal can be very
helpful in eliminating pre-wedding stress. This person will be able to
tell you how the wedding party should stand, the pace at which the
bridesmaids should enter, who should hold the bride's flowers during the
vows, how the ushers should unroll the aisle runner, how the bride and her
father should proceed, and what everyone should do with their hands during
the ceremony. By refusing to do a rehearsal, the officiant either does not
care or is not well trained in running such an event. (Remember, the
officiant should be compensated for his or her attendance or lack of
attendance at the rehearsal.)
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Often, the engaged couple mistakenly thinks everyone performs the same
ceremony during a marriage, and they do not bother to compare the
different types of services offered. The couple should also make sure the
officiant is willing to perform the ceremony in the location they request.
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It is
important to find out what the officiant will be wearing for the
occasion. If you are planning a formal wedding and all are
in tuxedos, the officiant should be, too. He should also
wear a robe. This adds ambiance and neutrality to the
ceremony.
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Finally, your wedding day is the most important day of your life. Talk
to different officiants before you select one. Ask if you can observe a
ceremony they are performing in a public place. If they will not let you
watch, chances are they have something to hide. Remember, price can vary
from justice to clergy, depending on prenuptial conferences, rehearsal,
and so on. Try to find someone who will get involved in your plans. These
individuals are usually the people who will care the most about your
special day. Ceremonies are not very long, but fond memories last forever.
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