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by Allison Moir-Smith,
MA, of
Emotionally Engaged
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Want
to avoid awakening the Bridezilla in you on your wedding day?
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Then consider these 10 tips:
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No matter how checked-off your to-do list is, being overwhelmed is
unavoidable on your wedding day. Your wedding is nothing short
of life-changing. You won't be able to predict your emotional
state that day, so prepare for lots of feelings, all at once.
You plan to be peaceful and calm, but you may be hyper and
giddy, sad and weepy, scared and lonely, angry and fidgety. Or
all of the above, all at once. And that will equal being overwhelmed.
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In your non-wedding life, how do you
react under extreme stress? Do you get weepy?
Helpless? Neurotic? Angry? Clumsy?
Obsessive? Forgetful? On your wedding day, these
reactions will only be magnified - big time. If you get clumsy
when nervous, stay away from glass and sharp objects.
Don't drive. (No kidding!) Are you forgetful?
Assume you can't complete even one simple task. Delegate.
Do you lash out? If so, truthfully
acknowledge this about yourself. What steps can you take to
prevent bad bride behavior?
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Yes, practice. At your bridal shower, when you are the center
of attention, notice your behavior and inner emotional
reactions. Do you like who you are and how you behave? Or
not? Now, imagine turning up the heat on those feelings by 100
degrees, and you'll get an approximation of how you may
feel on your wedding day. If necessary, figure out how you can
behave in a way that makes you happy and proud of yourself.
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I tell each bride who takes my workshops that it's essential to
have a solid, grounded girlfriend at her side on her wedding
day. Not a mother. Not a sister. A girlfriend. Why? Your
girlfriend isn't caught up in your family drama. She
intuitively knows how best to take care of you. She protects
you from stupid questions and stupid people. She knows when you
need her to be quiet, and when you need her to talk. A
girlfriend puts herself second on your wedding day, so she can
be there for you 100%.
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Each day of your wedding weekend, steal time away to deeply
connect with each other. Focus. Gaze into each other's eyes.
Feel the fullness of your love. All the wedding hoopla is about
your union, so feel united! (I say this because I don't want
anyone to be like one newlywed I recently counseled. She felt
so disconnected from her brand new husband that during their
first dance she "faked being happy." So, so sad.)
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Do your planning, but when the
Big Day arrives, let your wedding be what it wants to be. A
major life event like this will have its own personality,
rhythm, and soul. These magical, intangible elements can't be
planned to death; they happen. Make room.
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My fiance and I gave our
DJ a very strict list of "Play" and "DO NOT PLAY" songs. As we
went to cut the cake, a drippy solo saxophone began warbling.
"Did we ask for this?" my new husband asked. "Oh my God,
is that Kenny G???" I gasped. Stunned and slightly embarrassed,
I started marching across the dance floor to unplug the sound
system. But my husband stopped me, and we went on to cut the
cake, laughing at the ridiculous "not-us" cheeziness of the
music. Today, the photos and, more significantly, the memories
of that Kenny G moment are some of our most treasured, charming,
and beloved. We could never have planned it that way.
Never.
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A bride in this weekend's The
Emotions of Being Engaged workshop said, "I know I won't really
be able to visit with my guests. I'm going to tell them, 'See
you Sunday, when it's over.'" I completely disagreed with her.
I believe that if you are emotionally connected to yourself,
then you will be able to authentically connect with your
guests. Your interactions -- even the very brief ones -- will
be true and real, and your guests will feel connected to (and
visited by) you.
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Before your wedding, take some time to
reflect and ask yourself, "What kind of bride to I want to
be?" List adjectives, attributes, and behaviors. Is being
serene of utmost importance? Or is having a rowdy, fun time?
For me, being emotionally authentic was paramount. I wanted to
fully experience all the emotions -- even the difficult ones --
of that intense day of my life. And I did. I cried and felt
deep sadness about leaving my life as a single woman; I felt
fear and anxiety about leaving my family and leaping into the
unknown that is marriage; and I felt sheer, unadulterated joy.
Feelings at full throttle - just what I wanted. Ask yourself,
what kind of bride do you want to be? What can you do to make
that happen? Begin to imagine it now.
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Photo by
Happy Gatherings
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Will the Bridezilla awaken in you? Or not? It's your
choice. Make yourself proud and make yourself happy. Be
the bride you want to be.
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About the Author
Allison Moir-Smith, MA is a psychotherapist, bridal counselor and author of
Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of
Her Life. She's been featured on Today and Good Morning America and in
Cosmopolitan and Elle. She offers individual bridal counseling and
supportive group workshops. For more info:
www.emotionallyengaged.com |
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