Rhode Island Wedding Guide

Wedding Planning

Secret Tiny Details

by Allison Moir-Smith, MA, Emotionally Engaged

BRIDES HAVE SECRETS - secret tiny details that mean everything to them and nothing to anybody else.

One bride I know was obsessed with blue gingham ribbon. She tied everything with it - invitations, programs, nametags, favors, driving directions for guests. With 300 wedding guests, she tied bows up to and even after walking down the aisle!

Another bride loved placecards. During her engagement, she loved going to paper and party stores to look at them. She'd imagine what the tables would look like, how her friends' names would look on each card.

Look at these secret details metaphorically. What is the image, the metaphor, in the detail? By exploring the image, you can figure out what each bride might be working through, emotionally, by means of the detail.

RI bride
Stacie Kirkwood Photography

Imagine the tying of bows as a metaphor: is the bride tying things up? Maybe the physical act of tying hundred of bows gave her a sense of control when other things felt out of control. Or, maybe it means that she had some relational loose ends to tie up before she got married, but instead of doing the work emotionally, she was trying to do it physically.

The hunt for placecards brought joy to that bride. It could be that her interest in placecards helped her literalize her wedding - helped make it more real. Or, possibly, the placecards were a way for her to make order of imagining her loved ones coming to her wedding.

The detail that a bride chooses can tell her something about what's going on, emotionally, for her that she may not have been aware of.

Consider: what are your secret details? What might you be trying to work out, emotionally, through them? What new information about your emotional life do you glean from looking at your secret detail metaphorically?

Why do all of this? Because the more you understand your emotional experience, the more you'll be able to feel all the joy and love of this amazing time of life.

About the Author Allison Moir-Smith, MA is a psychotherapist, bridal counselor and author of Emotionally Engaged: A Bride's Guide to Surviving the "Happiest" Time of Her Life. She's been featured on Today and Good Morning America and in Cosmopolitan and Elle. She offers individual bridal counseling and supportive group workshops. For more info: www.emotionallyengaged.com

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